Characteristics of Adult Children of Abuse — Roy’s Story
This is a 9’40″ video-version of a presentation I gave to my AACA group. ‘AACA’ stands for Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics. My mom was an alcoholic from when I was born, and my dad was a wife-beater and a weekend-drunk. I’ve made the video to share the four roles adult children of abuse tend to take on, and to publicise the 13 characteristics that most of us tend to have. It’s released under a Creative Commons ‘Non-Commercial, Attribution, Share-Alike’ license. So please feel free to download it and hand it on to people who might need to know they’re not alone. Here are the details of the musicians whose work I’ve been privileged to include on the video. It’s all licensed under the same Creative Commons license I use, and I’m deeply grateful for that… o ‘Schyzophrénie extatique de l’autochtone’ by arnoldsrecords. Download from www.jamendo.com o ‘Lazy Sunday Morning’, ‘The Lonesome Death of Jonas Grumby’, ‘Shunned’, ‘Timestream Station’ by Derek R Audette. Download from DerekAudette.OttawaArts.Com o ‘Punk-o-Tronika’ by MAIS. Download from http o ‘Trip I – c’est l’heure’ by Miscere. Download from www.jamendo.com Most of the photos that didn’t come out of the family album are from stock.xchng at www.sxc.hu (I’m afraid I don’t recall the photographers. None of them require attribution in their Creative Commons licensing, so I simply saved them. I regret that. I’d prefer to acknowledge them. If you recognise any of the pics, please lemme know, and I’ll pop the names in …
Related posts:
Thanks for posting this. I am from Johannesburg, but moved to the States when I was a kid…father was/is an incredibly angry and emotionally abusive man. I could relate to many of the characteristics you describe relating to children of abuse. I am 25 and hope that I can sort this out so as to live a nice life, and not repeat the abuse I suffered on my own children should I have any. Thanks again!
@monkeyeagle I can relate to that too. My mom would do the same shit to my dad except use weapons like trying to hit him with a gold club, frying pan, or stab him. If you ever talk to my mom she’ll try to convince you my dad’s the reincarnation of the devil. She brought dysfunction to my family. My mom basically put the same shit on my brothers and I that my grandfather did to her. But, she never got over it and its bullshit.
I’m a second generation of alcoholics. “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” We alway steer away from this word serentiy and bravery. Giive peace know I can n;t change my parents or myself only God can. Bravery to stop blaming, leaning and craving their life. The knowledge and understanding to know the difference from your word. Rejean
I’m a second generation of alcoholics. “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” We alway steer away from this word serentiy and bravery. Giive peace know I can n;t change my parents or myself only God can. Bravery to stop blaming, leaning and craving their life. The knowledge and understanding to know the difference from your word.
@lmollot I appreciate your pain but if you think there wasn’t abuse by Iroquois men AND women, you’re deluding yourself. It is PEOPLE, of all stripes, who do this to any creature they have power over, when they themselves have not learned how to honestly handle their own emotions. There are plenty of women abusers. I know.
@EvilCakeFairy Oops I was thumbs-downing someone else and hit yours by mistake. I tried to give a thumbs up to correct my error, but Youtube won’t let me take it back! SORRY! Yours is a great comment.
@lmollot If only it wasn’t the mothers whaling on their kids as well, and sometimes their menfolk too. PLEASE don’t feed us that “women are angels” crap. Not so.
THANK YOU FOR THIS! You help me see how this can be spoken of in an informative and even entertaining way, that won’t frighten the “normals.” This was pure serendipity for me, I’m (hopefully) starting therapy tomorrow (if they’ll take me). <3
when there is so much child abuse- we recognize it is a cultural, social problem- which cannot be cured by individual, psychological “therapy”- change the structure of patriarchy culture – return to the matriarchy womens clans – legitimacy of children thru the mother & her mothers clan group- do it for the future generations of children
teachers & priests started all kinds of child abuse in society- replace them with mothers/grandmothers clan groups- well supported mothers, many mothers- longhouses & farm collectives-security sexual safety for mothers & children- video “MATRIARCHY CLANS PROTECT MOTHERS & YOUTH”
highly educated dean of universities- have child sex abuse traffick rings- professionals promote the myth that child sex offenders are uneducated unemployed- this myth & the law protect rich educated pedorapists- see video “conspiracy of silence”- my family rich not drunk-all abuses-2 siblings suicided (maybe murders)- return to matriarchy clans like iroquois women longhouses=solutions
Thank you for creating this. You tell our story very well. I grew up verbally and emotionally abused and physically neglected, and identify with all of this. Oh, the stories we could share. I’m doing well now, but . . . everything you mention is still what I carry with me. We’re not like everyone else.
Awesome presentation! Very honest, personal, introspective stuff. It is so well put I know this is bound to be very helpful and eye opening to ease suffering on all sides of these and similar issues. Sharing your experience is fine example of Ubuntu, in the Bantu sense of the word. (our connection to ALL others).
Trying to assess my life at 41 I realize my mom is an alcoholic and I will go down the same path if I don’t change. For the first time I realized I could type ‘children of alcoholics’ onto YouTube and maybe get something besides music to listen to while I’m working. This is the first thing I saw . Thank you.
Just saw this….Thank you Roy.
Thank you for sharing your testimony. You will get better. You’re very good at story telling by the way. It is very honorable that you care to help people out with similar struggles. You will be okay.
Jesus poor kids ..
Thanks for the video Roy. Normal people would be shocked and deeply saddened. I’m just deeply saddened.
very poor sound quality. The loud music doesn’t help.
Excellent video. Thank you!
What a powerful movie. I related to your story from my childhood memories. I have had a lot of therapy and want to work in stopping violence towards women and children. We can move on to healing and happiness.
Lyn Australia
thankyou…
thanks for advocating for us that slipped through the cracks and are now adults going WTF!!
I’ve watched this video several times. I felt the same way you did after hearing the list of 13 characteristic that adults of abuse tend to have. I’m so thankful that you shared this. I think I shall contact this group in my area and find out when they meet and if the group is closed or open to new comers. Thanks again.
This is the best video I have ever seen. You are to the point. You hit the nail on the head with everything you listed. 5 stars ***** and in favorites!
*****FIVE STAR VIDEO EVERYBODY***** (since we have to do it for ourselves now)